I hate being a mom? Is this normal? Now what?
Being a mom comes with constant demands, lack of sleep, loss of self, always feeling overwhelmed, and loaded with guilt. Constantly wondering “Am I a bad mom?” It’s no wonder many moms struggle with “I hate being a mom” thoughts and feelings.
So, if you are feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are not the worst mom, or a bad person for having these feelings. You are normal.
I hate being a mom, is this normal?
Yes, it’s very normal.
If you regret or hate being a mom, know are also not alone.
Sometimes the struggles of motherhood can outweigh the blessings and gifts. Often times the feelings are just for a season, but sometimes these feelings are hard to process and can last a long time.
I had a successful thriving career before I quit my job to start a family. I loved my career, the independence, climbing the success ladder, the accolades. All of it.
But my husband and I both agreed we wanted me to stay home to raise our children.
I truly thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but motherhood wasn’t anything like I expected.
My husband was living his career dream, climbing the corporate latter, having flexibility and freedom that I didn’t have.
I quickly started to feel angry and jealous towards my husband, for what he had that I didn’t have, and started to hate being a mom.
I chose this, so why wasn’t I happy?
My unmet expectations started to breed guilt, anger and resentment. I had a different version of what I thought being a mom was going to feel like, and I know I’m not alone in these thoughts and feelings.
In fact, many moms feel this way!
For several years I regretted trying for a third baby. We had two boys, 18 months apart, and we went for a third baby.
And we got TWINS!!
Yes, twins!
It took me a long time to process that we were having twins and I was going to be a mom to 4 kids! It took me awhile to be ok with our new normal, and our much larger family then I had planned.
I was a stay-at-home mom, working part time in Real Estate and doing some consulting work during my pregnancy with the twins.
But once we had the twins, I had to stop working all together and became a full time stay at home mom.
No outlet, no job, and lots of babies & toddlers. The reality of motherhood started to settle in and I remember thinking “is this it?”
Four young children, physical exhaustion, limited social life, feeling like I am a single mom with my husband gone all the time.
I wanted more.
So yes, regret is normal, feeling like you hate being a mom is normal, because being a mom is hard!
It’s OK to feel this way
I think many moms struggle with mom guilt and are ashamed for having these strong feelings or thoughts.
I think the opposite is true. The sooner you are honest with how you feel and your reality, the quicker you can make a plan for changing your situation, get a support group, or professional help. Staying stuck is not the solution.
Common reasons why we might hate being a mom!
- Exhausted – so many sleepless nights
- Limited freedom
- The pressure, stress and responsibility
- Feeling you are all alone
- No adult interaction
- Loss of self
- Mental struggles and postpartum depression
- Feelings of being unappreciated
- Financial constraint
- Partner struggles
- Unmet expectations
- Loss of friends and connections
- Constant demands of motherhood
- 24/7 care of others
- No time for yourself
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Parental burnout
- Hardest job ever
This list is not exhaustive, but I’m sure there are several you can relate to.
What to do when you don’t feel like being a parent
So what do you do? Sitting and staying stuck in these feelings are not the solution. So what is?
Find something that fulfills you
For a lot of moms, the first step is to find something outside of motherhood that fulfills you.
You just had your first child and you expected to have this feeling of “I’m complete, this is everything I ever wanted.” But for many moms, those feeling never came. Often times, being a mom does not bring the fulfillment that many moms thought it would bring.
Being a mom doesn’t complete us. And that is ok! Many moms have similar feelings.
For me, starting this blog helped me find something that I can do alongside being a mom, and is giving me the fulfillment I was lacking in motherhood.
I truly believe having something just for myself, helped resolve some of the anger I was having as a mom.
What is that for you?
And it does not have to provide an income.
Some examples:
- Volunteer
- Join a group (moms’ group, running group, Book Club)
- Art therapy (scrapbooking, Painting class, Photography)
- Bible Study
Having your own money can also help
For stay-at-home-moms, there is lot of frustration and resentment from not having your own money to spend on what you want. Plus, things can often feel more financially tight because of only having one income.
I wanted to make money, to have that “success” feeling, I wanted to use my brain in a different compacity, and have some independence.
I wish I had found blogging sooner!
This has been the perfect balance for me.
I am able to work from home, still being 100% available to my children, involved in all of their activities, volunteer in their classrooms, have flexible hours AND bring in some money.
It is unexplainable how blogging has changed my feelings and attitude regarding being a mom for the better!
I feel many stay-at-home-moms struggle with this.
Check out these 21 income making side hustles and hobbies for women.
Interested in starting your own blog?
Plan, grow and launch your profitable blog.
Daily Words of Affirmation
The words you say out loud and, in your head, MATTER! Words have the power to change your situation and immediately impact your day and your mood. (For the better or worse!)
Changing how you say things, is so important. Way easier said than done!
In my Morning Routine, I read and reflect on words of affirmation to promote a positive attitude for my day. Also reading inspirational mom quotes helps me realize that I am not alone.
Mama’s need Self – Care!
As a new mom this took me way too long to realize and start doing. It took me years to start making myself a priority. I allowed our tight budget keep me from buying beauty and skin care items, or new clothes.
But how you feel about yourself directly impacts you as a mom.
I started prioritizing ME more, and this helped change my attitude about being a mom.
Here are some easy Self – Care items:
- Beauty routine
- Skin care regimen
- Facials
- Anti-aging treatments
- Waxing
- Laser hair removal
- Vitamin regimen
- Massages
- Get your hair done
- Nail routine
- Read a good book
- Light candles, oil diffuser, plug ins
- Music
- Date night / girls’ night out
- Get more sleep with an evening routine
- Spa day
I like to start my week off with rest, productivity and self-care explained in my Perfect Sunday Routine.
Ask for help
I was definitely that mom that felt I could “handle it” and didn’t ask for help often.
But then we had twins!
And we had 4 children all within three years, and to survive I quickly learned and realized that as a mom we need help! We need a village.
That doesn’t make us “less than”, or “bad” moms to need help, it actually makes us good mamas!
Being a mom is hard and exhausting job that shouldn’t be done alone or in isolation.
Outsouce
Moms feel it is their responsibility to do everything. I’m here to tell you it’s not. Where you are able to, outsource.
Where and what should I outsource?
- Hire a professional home cleaner
- Switch to Online Grocery shopping
- Start a meal delivery service, like HomeChef
- Hire a nanny / babysitter
- so you can have some kid free errands
- self-care time
- girls night out
Focus and prioritize your Physical and Mental Health
Getting back in to shape after baby is hard, and many moms get discouraged and give up, leading to a bad mental space, and often depression.
I’m a huge believer that it’s not the amount of time or crazy workouts, but the consistency. Find a doable Daily exercise that works for you.
Prioritize you! Include your kids if that’s easier for you. Stroller strides is a great mom program focused around getting outside, moving your body and exercise.
Get in a routine of taking vitamins and eating healthier, as physical health directly impacts mental health.
Start prioritizing Routines
Are you feeling overwhelmed by the never-ending list of things to do? You need routines.
I am a firm believer that established routines are the back bone to motherhood. Those moms that look like they have it all together, are just products of practiced, efficient routines.
Routines make sure the most important things get gone first everyday. Daily routines make motherhood feel easier because you have a rhythm that works for you, you think less while the flow of your day naturally happens.
Mom Hacks can help if you hate being a mom
Mom life is hard. Parenting is hard. Juggling all of the details, kids, activities, constant messes at home, it’s exhausting and overwhelming. Mom Hacks make mom life easy.
Check out the 87 BEST Mom Hacks and Tips to make mom life easier and in return, more enjoyable!
I created this blog to help moms make being a mom easier and more enjoyable.
Why? Cuz I WAS THAT mom!
I hated being a mom, I lost myself in Motherhood, resented my husband, and was always angry at my kids.
BUT, I overcame it. I looked inwardly and took the hard steps to find joy again.
And you can do it too!
Being Overwhelmed STARTS in the home
Much of being a mom is IN the HOME, especially for those who are stay-at-home-moms.
If your home life is chaotic and unorganized, it directly impacts your stress and mental state, many times creating feelings that lead to “I hate being a mom”! Trust me, I’ve been there!
I remember the exact day that I felt stressed, and angry and hated being a mom. I looked around and I felt everything was too much, chaotic.
It was that day that I started a new journey. I started Decluttering and Organizing my home to create a simplified place. I brought joy and peace back in to my home. It was game changing for me!
Learn how to Quickly clean your house
As moms we are constantly cleaning up messes. When did I sign up to become a servant and slave?
Doesn’t that often feel like Motherhood?! No wonder we hate being a mom and want to leave.
Having some efficient cleaning routines helps save time and your sanity.
Especially, if you have toddler boys learning how to pee. Bathroom cleaning hacks are a must have!
Don’t believe everything you see or hear
Social media can ruin motherhood if we allow it to. The comparison game is real and it is hard to process it all.
Seeing other moms post their “perfect children” having the “perfect day”, where everyone seems happy all the time, can immediately make you feel like you are failing, your life sucks and your kids are jerks.
It is the absolute worst and the main reason why I encourage social media breaks!
Social Media can be a toxic environment, the breeding ground for guilt, jealousy and FOMO, which can quickly exasperate the “I hate being a mom” feeling.
It’s hard to remember when you see other friends post, that those moms ALSO have boring, mundane days. Their kids throw tantrums, have attitudes and don’t always smile for the picture. (they just aren’t posted to social media)
Every mom struggles, has bad days, doesn’t always love being a mom and you are not alone.
Have a mom community
I love MOPS and mom groups. It’s an easy way to find moms who are in the same season as you.
Don’t do Motherhood alone or in isolation.
There is so much reward and benefit of meeting new mom friends, feeling connected, a hot breakfast, a cup of coffee and your children in childcare for a couple of hours! Yes please, sign me up!
Simplify & slow down if you hate being a mom
Sometimes when you feel like you hate being a mom, it may be as simple as slowing down and simplifying.
You might have too much on your plate, be over committed, or have kids in several activities and sports.
Say “no” to more things, take commitments off of your place, have slow mornings, long walks, movie days at home.
Look at your calendar, prioritize, make lists, get organized and say no more.
Other questions:
Is it normal to hate being a mother?
YES! Being a mom if very polarizing. So many extreme emotions.
You can 100% love your children with every fiber of your being and hate being a mom at the same exact time, and in the same sentence.
It is completely normal!
I hate the pressure, the responsibility, the constant needs and management, guilt and loss of me that has occurred since being a mom.
Realizing that I can’t go back to the season and life I had prior to being a mom can be a lot!
Should I feel guilty if I hate being a mom?
No.
No one is perfectly prepared to be a mom and no one can really explain it to you until you experience it for yourself.
Being a mom is a journey and you should never feel guilty.
BUT, realizing I hated being a mom, for me, made me look internally and really process and learn who I am.
Not just say “this is all there is”, but do the hard work, process my feelings, have the hard conversations, and find what I truly want my journey in motherhood to look like.
What do you want your journey to look like?
I hate being a mom to a newborn
Being a mom to a newborn is a lot of work with minimal reward. Babies do not have a lot of personality and often time moms can struggle with connecting to your baby, which is also completely normal.
Not to mention most moms to newborns are sleep deprived, always hungry due to nursing and you don’t feel yourself due to your new mom bod.
Sleep training and getting your baby on a consistent and predictable sleep schedule can help more than words can explain.
You may not love the baby phase and that’s ok.
I hate being a mom to my toddler
Toddlers are a very challenging age. You just get out of baby land, you are just starting to not feel so tired, and then the worst tantrums you have ever seen start.
Will this ever end? It is a question every mom of a toddler asks herself.
Having twins and going through the toddler stage almost was the end of me.
I remember calling my mom and telling her to come to help, cuz these 18 month old toddlers were making me go crazy and I wanted to leave.
I did not enjoy being a mom to twin toddlers. It was so hard, exhausting, and frustrating.
These are normal feelings, because parenting toddlers is extremely challenging.
Does Motherhood get easier if I hate being a mom now?
Yes! 100% yes.
Children can get physically easier as they learn to start being more independent, but challenges with children just transfer and look different.
Enjoying motherhood starts inwardly and finding what is lacking in your life and trying to fulfill that.
Being a mom will not complete you. But there are many daily things you can do to help change your attitude or relieve the extra pressure and responsibility in parenting so you can start to enjoy it a little bit more.
I hate being a mom recap
You are not alone, you are normal, being a mom is hard and struggling with negative emotions is par for the course.
No one is a perfect mom, and the best thing you can do is looking inwardly to see what will fulfill you. Take a deep breath, lower your expectation, and know that it is normal to struggle with these deep feelings and thoughts.
Hopefully this post will help you move in the right direction. It is hard work, but it is possible and things will get better. Talking to a trusted friend, family members, or your doctor / professional can help too.
Want a FREE resource to start taking steps to eliminating your mom stress?
Snag my FREE Genius Mom Hacks Calendar and start making motherhood feel easier.
Don’t forget to check out these other posts you will love…
I would love to hear from you, what stood out to you the most?
This post was all about I hate being a mom
Want to remember this post? Pin it to your favorite Pinterest board!
